Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its not stalking. its research.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
