We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
