I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
