Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
