The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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