his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
