Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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