3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
