So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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