someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
