last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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