AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
