Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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