yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
