The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize