ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
