I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
