I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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