And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
