remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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