Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
