He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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