If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
