i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
