More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
