So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
