I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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