I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
