At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
