when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
