OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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