I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize