the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
