I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.