I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space