She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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