Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
