Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
