i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is