So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.