Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?

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(310): So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops? http://tfl.nu/jkax

Replies (33) Good night (992) Bad night (3854)
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(510): View more from California

I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

(415): View more from California

yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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(510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt

Replies (49) Good night (8484) Bad night (1292)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

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(978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf

Replies (15) Good night (2137) Bad night (5598)
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(314): View more from Missouri

He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.

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(314): He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life. http://tfl.nu/k4q7

Replies (33) Good night (990) Bad night (5869)
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(301): View more from Maryland

did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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(301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g

Replies (14) Good night (6678) Bad night (1252)
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(813): View more from Florida

There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.

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(813): There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet. http://tfl.nu/6irr

Replies (16) Good night (1050) Bad night (3037)
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(714): View more from California

Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.

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(714): Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days. http://tfl.nu/680e

Replies (8) Good night (1757) Bad night (3646)
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(+86): View more from China

Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

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(+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6

Replies (10) Good night (5821) Bad night (1391)
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(214): View more from Texas

I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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(214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18

Replies (9) Good night (3415) Bad night (980)
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(214): View more from Texas

Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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(214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy

Replies (11) Good night (2600) Bad night (1071)
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(586): View more from Michigan

There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.

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(586): There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life. http://tfl.nu/feu1

Replies (6) Good night (406) Bad night (827)
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(425): View more from Washington

You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.

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(425): You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows. http://tfl.nu/kzgw

Replies (1) Good night (892) Bad night (361)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH

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(262): The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH http://tfl.nu/v3lg

Replies (0) Good night (739) Bad night (281)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke

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(610): And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke http://tfl.nu/9l8b

Replies (1) Good night (276) Bad night (659)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.

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(563): Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night. http://tfl.nu/qjuk

Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (196)

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