I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
