We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Help me help you realize you are a moron