If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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