with your own penis?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.