My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
