Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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