When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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