Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
love makes seman taste better
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
