Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
