I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
