OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
