whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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