Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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