I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
