You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
