I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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