they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
