Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
