Please don't use social media to get back at me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm both gender and math confused
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
