Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
