and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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