Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
