Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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