I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
