I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
