what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
