You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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