yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
