Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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