Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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