Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
handjob tips. give me some.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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