Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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