Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have tasted many bathrooms
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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