Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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