Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
