I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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