It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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