Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dick very happy bro
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
