Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
