it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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