i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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