Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize