i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
