I'd wear matching sweaters with you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
