between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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