I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
