Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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