When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
