sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
