So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
