if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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