Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
